I am new to the hub and this forum so I guess I should start by introducing myself and my brother Alan.
My name is Helen, I am nearly 42, married with 3 sons. I have 2 brothers Alan who is 44 and John who is 38. Alan has never really felt like my brother, he has always been my baby, despite being 3 years older than me. He is unable to talk or communicate at all, he lives in full time residential care 3 hours away from me and has lived there since he was 17 (28 years this year) He does not want anyone touching him and in fact does not really want to be around people any longer than it takes to get a drink or food from them and really will not even let us in his room for longer than a matter of minutes.
He is my baby, I cannot express that enough, even our dad says my relationship with him has always been more maternal than sister.
Our mum suddenly passed away 4 years ago.
So how on earth am I meant to accept I am going to lose this unbelievably precious, beautiful boy to cancer??
Alan was diagnosed with testicular cancer in January 2015 and because of his absolute terror of all doctors, hospitals and anything like it, even to have a blood test or scan involved a lot of sedation to get him into the hospital followed by general anaesthetics after having tried one chemotherapy treatment where we nearly lost him under the general anaesthetic (took nearly 4 hours to bring him round) We then, along with all the specialists had to make the decision it was not in his best interests to carry on and he has now beaten the longest prognosis he was given 2 years and he really really is my Superman and I could not be more proud of him but after visiting yesterday, and meeting his gp it is clear he is really starting to struggle, they are keeping his pain under control but he is now struggling with strength and mobility.
I have fought his corner my whole life and always will, but how I cannot fight his cancer for him and I cannot save him from this and it is killing me. I am the one doing all the stuff with the social workers etc as my poor dad struggles after mum and as well as Alan being terminally ill, my younger brother is waiting for a kidney transplant so there is a lot for him.