I just need a rant

[Liz]

I’ve just had to send yet another email to the manager at my brother’s supported living service. I looked in his kitchen and have Do I really need to explain yet again that the following is excessive and unhealthy:

• Almost 100 weetabix plus 3 other boxes of cereal
• 5 packets of spaghetti
• 4kg of rice
• A huge bag of potatoes starting to go green
• Only two apples

I could go on sadly. He’s a single man living on his own. He lacks capacity to make budget decisions or understand portion control and needs help with almost all cooking etc.

I’ve spoken to the managers umpteen times already and I’m losing my cool. I’m the “good cop” but if they don’t buck up their ideas, I’m going to let loose the "bad cop " in the form of our undiplomatic and rude Dad!

Ok, rant over. Will be back another time with more sibling stories as requested.

Hugs to anyone else banging their head against a brick wall xx

[frances_is_a_sibling]

Hi @Liz
I totally understand your need to rant. That sounds completely and utterly infuriating. You’ve tried to get the point across a million times and it’s just not getting through - and it’s not even a complicated point, it’s very simply ‘my brother needs support with this’.

You’ve probably already tried a similar approach, but just incase this helps…

Sibs have a guide on mental capacity and there’s a great case study on p.12 that relates to this https://www.sibs.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Sibs-Guide-for-adult-siblings-on-decision-making-and-mental-capacity-March-2018-1.pdf

Thanks for sharing this - others reading this will feel less alone in their brick-head-banging times too, as it’s an unfortunately common experience for siblings - especially around decision making and unhealthy eating.

Hugs back x

PS
You can always rant to Sibs too - https://www.sibs.org.uk/contact/

[charlie1]

Hi Liz I am sorry that you get that problem.I worked as a district nurse for years and was used to seeing home helps and carers not really taking control because they change continuosly.They will only clean one or two rooms or shop for the same thing and you get a build up of food stuffs.
More recently my father died and because I lived away and stayed at his house I found the fridge full of food with expiry dates expired and some that should have only been in there for a day, opened baked beans with fur coats, dried up meat and dried up cheese etc.There were lots and lots of tins of soup and baked beans although I suspect my dad said please will you buy some beans and the carer said yes but did not check the cupboards.Carers are time limited and probably dont cook much in some areas so may not have time to peel the potatoes.
Do you have part cookedmeals?In somerset there is a firm called Wiltshire farm foods which sprang up to replace meals on wheels(I had seen even meals on wheels put in a cupboard because the recipient didnt want a hot meal there and then).Wiltshire farm foods deliver a week of frozen meals which can be microwaved by recipient or carer.Do any local stores do deliveries of foods which can be ordered on line by (sorry) yourself? All this is/could be irrelevant and if you only wanted a rant then I am sorry if I may have interfered or made your rant worse. however it is good that your brother is living independantly where he can make some choices.

[vectis]

Take photographs as evidence. I’ve had HUGE problems with my own son’s carers. Care agency will be changed after Boxing Day. Recently, the day after I bought some smoked gammon steaks from Waitrose, staff wrote that “gammon smelled funny so I threw it out”. Yes, it was smoked!!! Instead he had Feta cheese for his main meal! On one occasion, staff went crazy and bought huge amounts of veg, all out of date when I arrived. I brought home a whole Bag for Life full. Ditched some, turned some into a vegetable lasagne that fed me and my two sons, with some for the one with LD to take back to his flat.