Tough love and helping your adult son move into Supported Living

[Carolyn]

. Our 22 year old son with severe mental health problems and a mild learning disability is moving out this Sunday into supported living. We are very happy with the supported living home we have chosen, but he has little insight or mental capacity and he does not want to move this weekend. The thing is he is very anxious about it and will not want to move ANY day - even if we move the date forward. It is for the best for him - in the long run we feel, and totally the best for his siblings . its just SO hard on the emotions for my husband and myself. Anyone else been/going thou similar??

[pogdog]

Hi my son is 34 and still at home he has sotos syndrome he has moderate learning difficulties we have just started on the long road to supported living and Ian is also very anxious about it I agree it will be best for him but its very hard for us as we just want to keep him safe,but we wont always be here for him and I would prefer to know he is settled before its too late I hope you dont feel alone in this as we are all here to help each other through these emotional times pauline

[SHARON]

Hi
I also have a son 32 with Sotos, I am just enquiring about supported living for him at the moment, dont know where to start because we live in Rotherham, but want him in north Sheffield so he is surrounded by family xx

[pogdog]

Hi Sharon its nice to hear from you .Does your son have a social worker? for the first time ever we have a good one whos really helping us Ian also has a great key worker at the day centre he attends.You need to get lots of people supporting you. I hope it all goes well for you it would be great to keep in touch with you as Ive never met anyone in virtually the same position as me before it would be nice to compare notes as it were . hope to hear that youre making progress soon Pauline Saville

[Mumof3girls]

My daughter went into a care home at the age of 22. It was a big adjustment for her, and she didn't settle overnight, but over time she eventually settled in really well. For me, the real joy is that I've stopped being her "carer" and gone back to being her "mum". Sure I still go to some hospital appointments with her, but mostly when I see her it's to do something fun like go out for lunch or a bit of girly shopping. Her sisters go round and take her out, too, and she has deepened her relationship with them no end. She comes home for the day every Sunday and for us it has been an entirely positive experience of letting her go, even though it wasn't easy to start with.

[pogdog]

hi pogdog here thanks your post was helpful as it gave me some hope for the future thanks a lot

[Ali55]

I'm new to this site and am finding it very helpful.
My son is 31 and is autistic, has epilepsy and severe learning disabilities. I'm trying to encourage him to think of independent living but he's having none of it. I know it would be much better for him and he would be happier but it's the fear of the unknown. If I try to talk to him about it he gets angry and he displays very challenging behaviour. I'm divorced and really need to start the process as I'm very conscious of the fact that I'm not always going to be around for him. I know he'll hate me and will feel like I'm rejecting him but I feel that if he tries it he'll wish he'd done it years ago. I just wondered how your son was getting on Carolyn, and has he settled in to his supported living home?
I look forward to hearing from you. Ali