What Would You Say? - Afraid to get help

[l_mencap]

Hello folks!

In the past, we’ve heard that some parents feel nervous about seeking help from any Mencap group because getting help from Mencap has been seen as their child being “bad enough” to need that help.

What would you say to a parent who was afraid to reach out?

[frances_is_a_sibling]

Hi @lola.phoenix - this is a great question. So many people feel isolated as parents. They worry that they will be judged for their decisions, judged on their son or daughter’s behaviour or told that they haven’t done a good enough job. And these worries are very real. Many will have experienced judgement from services, from other parents, from other family members perhaps too. It’s painful and it puts people off seeking help in future.

I want to say to any parents reading this - you are not alone. What you’re going through - other people will be going through too. What you have thought or felt - other people will have thought and felt this too. You do not deserve the judgement you may have had in the past, and you do not deserve to be struggling through this without the help that you, your son/daughter and their siblings need. Reach out - reach out and keep reaching out, until you get the help that you and your family need and deserve. Above all, keep in mind - you are not alone.

[alanwpickup]

The variance of problems faced by parents is wide ranging as a learning disability can range from someone being classed as slow to having profound and multiple disabilities or behaviour that challenges. Another factor can be whether their child has siblings who are “normal” or higher performing, which can help the parents have some aspects of mainstream interaction. With groups they have so varied a mix of social classes and dominant members it is not easy to keep a group together for parents when feelings become more evident. Quite often they come to meetings with a personal agenda rather than looking at the wider picture. I am not saying this is wrong and these parents are desperate and in many cases and have exhausted most routes available to them, but it leads to meetings being repetitive and not going anywhere and members drop out. This is not the case for adults with learning disabilities who do not seem to have notice social barriers, accept people more easily and do not mind others being more dominant. I have had the privilege to be involved in the Transforming Care programme as a parent over the last few years and seen many aspects of this at meetings where carers / parents are invited to take part and then the meeting becomes fixed on a particular point and does not progress on issues facing the wider group. Hope this helps with some insight